The Continual Journey to Heal My Relationship with Food & Where I am Now

I have been in the process of creating my new Mindful Macros Group Health Coaching Program and felt it was important to tell you how it all transpired and came into fruition. But I had to summon up all my courage to do it.

I'm sure most of you know my background and the story behind my decision to become a health coach and launch my website and blog. If you aren't familiar with my journey, you can read about it here.

Everything that I have ever written and every class or program that I have ever created has had roots that connect to my own struggle with food, weight, and body image. I have always hoped to use my struggle and experiences to help others.

I often speak about my history which is easy to do - it's behind me and in the past - but it dawned on me that I haven't been as open and forthcoming about my current struggles.

Transparency in the Struggle

For the last year and a half or so, I've been struggling with restriction again. It started innocently enough when I began noticing that I was experiencing a looming and pretty persistent brain fog. I have also always struggled a bit with my memory and knowing that the gut is your "second brain", I did some nutritional testing to see if there was anything I could do to improve the health of my gut.

To make a long story short, I discovered that certain foods were inflammatory for me - namely gluten, refined sugars, and dairy - so I began phasing these foods out of my diet in an effort to improve my health and mental functioning.

The problem wasn't moving away from these foods. The problem was that when I phased them out, I didn't phase anything back in to replace them. Couple that with being a creature who enjoys habit and routine (and doesn't like to cook!), I can easily get into the pattern where I eat the same thing day after day.

Not a huge deal right?

Except that I started to notice that feelings of guilt and shame would pop up when I ate outside of this normal pattern. Or ate more on one day than I did the previous day. Or exercised less on one day than I did another. And to counter those feelings of guilt and shame, I started to control my food and exercise even more.

Because rigidity fees safe to me - especially among the chaos in my life.

Chaos like...

  • Wanting to raise two empowered daughters in a world that is still driven by competition and lack. And not knowing what in the h-e-double hockey sticks I am doing. And worrying every single day that they will grow up questioning their worth and feeling unlovable. And thereby feeling like a crap mom.

    Side note truth: this is what drove me to launch a local chapter of the Girls Empowerment Movement (GEMS). I want to be held accountable to do the work to help my girls find tools and strategies to navigate girl drama. But it's unknown territory because the struggles I experienced in middle school are now starting in early elementary school.

  • The ups and downs of launching a business. Which let me tell you - is more challenging than I EVER imagined. Doubt, fear, and rejection are all feelings that I experience on a regular basis. And that inner critic of mine has a field day with this…

"Is this really what you're supposed to be doing?"

“Who do you think you are?! How can you possibly help other people?!”

“You’re not smart enough.”

“You’re not creative enough.”

“You have nothing important to say.”

  • Feeling stuck between two worlds. One driven by society and convention. Yet longing to truly opt out. And wanting connection and having the desire to create authentic, meaningful relationships but not really feeling like I fit anywhere.

  • Getting caught up in the external. Truth be told (and this one is going to be very hard for me to admit but I want to be brutally honest with you), there is a piece of me that gets wrapped up in wanting to look my best and worrying about gaining weight. Worried that if I don't look a certain way, I won't be seen as a good coach or appear to know what I'm talking about. With no chance in becoming a leader in my industry.

And while I know these are all just old stories and old patterning resurfacing, I want to admit to you that they are there. Because the beautiful thing is that it forces me to continue to grow and evolve. Just like everyone else.

I've always believed that we receive lessons from the universe in small doses. And often when we are ready to grow and evolve, we will receive the lesson again. This happens over and over again. And as long as we are willing to embrace the struggle and learn from our experiences, we will grow into a better version of ourselves.

The Birth of Mindful Macros

And this, my friend, takes me to why I developed Mindful Macros. In order to continue to make progress and evolve, I recognized that I needed to take a good hard look at my nutrition. I've had to go back to the basics and re-learn what I know works.

I wanted to be very transparent in my struggle because I want you to understand three very important things:

  1. Regardless if you struggle with restriction or overeating or yo-yo dieting or just want to drop a few pounds to look and feel your best - it's all the same damn thing. It is essentially the same struggle - it just wears a slightly different face and has slightly different roots. The struggle among us is more similar than it is different.

  2. I will NEVER claim to have it all figured out but I will share with you what works and what I've learned along the way. The information that I want to teach you in Mindful Macros has helped me (and others) develop a personalized approach to eating.

    It's important to recognize that your nutritional requirements may change over time. What worked for you a few years ago may or may not work for you right now. I am a case in point here. What was working for me just one year ago is no longer working for me now.

    But that's the beauty of learning how to develop a blueprint, you can always fine tune and adjust and you don't need to look outside yourself for a solution.

  3. We're all in this together. So let's be in it together. One thing that I feel is missing out there with the latest diet programs and plans is true community. No matter what you are trying to accomplish with your health, it's really nice to do it with the support of other people.

And so the Mindful Macros program was born. It takes the concept of bio-individuality and helps you develop a system that will stand the test of time. It puts you in control and puts the power back in your hands.

And speaking from someone who likes to feel in control and at peace with food, this is a very good thing!

My new program starts November 13 and I am very excited to announce that I will be partnering with BEAST Boonsboro to offer it locally. For more information and registration information, click here.

To stay up to date on Facebook, check out our event here.